This poem was inspired by “I may destroy you” TV series that was written by Michaela Coel
How to be whole again after trauma? How to go back to ourselves…healing…
I want to feel myself breathe again
I want to be able to smile again without pretending , deeply from my heart and soul
I want to smile not because I fear you are going to sexually abuse and assault me again
I want to smile because my smile is beautiful and I deserve joy
I deserve joy!
I will not carry shame for the things you have done to me
I refuse to walk around as a victim of your ill behaviour
Yes, you have very bad behaviour, you are despicable
Puuh, you stink!
I know the system, the institutions you work for, the police, the society think you are a nice decent man.
You are not. They don’t know it YET , or maybe they chose to ignore it
At whose expense? Mine and many others
But am here to remind you , to look in the mirror and see how disgusting, despicable you are!
I will not carry shame that belongs to you
You should be ashamed of yourself
I will not walk with my head downcast
You should walk with your head downcast , full of shame
I will not lose sleep because you scarred me
You should lose your sleep, you should experience untold suffering
I hear you whispering that I sound angry
I don’t sound angry, I AM angry! I AM enraged! I AM furious
Furious at how easily you get away with hurting girls and women
Hurt them and get away with it — as a decent man, right?
You are not decent and myself, and many others who have been your victim know this too
Because we know it, we are creating our way back to healing, to be whole,
To create new memories for ourselves
To speak up when we see it happening to others
To stay enraged in your presence, because you don’t deserve our harmony
To be peaceful around the energies that heal us
To love us again, to love self, to walk back to healing, to build a community for ourselves, to remember that we are not alone.
Love and solidarity.